On being joyful

I am so sore.  I am downing bcaa's constantly.  Epsom salt is running through my veins.  I even resorted to buying tiger balm...a magic ointment of questionable origin that cures all.  For whatever reason the past few days has left me struggling to recover.  Might be nutrition and sleep.  Might be mileage.   Might be age.  Probably is a combination of all and it is time to be diligent about the aches to keep them from becoming injury.

Today I started my run three times.  The first time was on a trail with Peter so I hiked ten kms.  Hiking needs to be part of my training as I will not legit run 300k.  So I used it as a good tempo hike.  But my legs hurt and I have a sore butt cheek and sore feet.  I was aiming for a 15k day so this evening I aimed for a 5k around the lake.  Five strides.. five...nope...back in car.  I threw on a podcast and went to get a coffee.   The podcast was on mindfulness and purpose based training.  I got sucked into it.

The final part of it talked about joy.  Clearly to achieve you must enjoy the effort.  As I thought about this I realised how joyful running had been for me this spring.   I haven't had a run I hated...quite the opposite.  I have had amazing and beautiful runs that made me more alive and complete.  As I listened and drove I realised that I am doing this huge run for good reasons.

I want a goal that scares me.
I want to feel stronger in my soul when I train.
I want to know that my limits are becoming more non existant.
I want to find out more about who I am.

Running and this insane goal run gives me all those.  I gain on each of those statements every run.  It's been so great doing ultramarathon training again.  I love this type of training.  I have actually not done a single run with music in nearly 500kms.  That's wild to me.  I just haven't needed it.  There's a beauty in the solitude and the connection with nature.  Saturday I ran 5k with Charlie in the stroller.  I showed him Terry Fox and we ran wherever he wanted to go.  His joy fed mine and we had a beautiful run.  I had run 5k with him and a buddy in the morning too.  He ran parts of it with us, told us stories, and got out to play in streams.  I wish I could bottle those runs.  So powerful.

So be joyful in what you do.  It doesn't matter what it is.  If you love it, embrace it and live it.  Being mindful and purpose based is crucial, and one of the main purposes of movement is simply joy.  Today a dear friend signed up for a half marathon...this is what it's about!  Scaring yourself and reaching higher!

The third attempt at my run was a success by the way.  I went to a road I have been eyeing for a while.  Found a little singletrack off of it.  Got rained on.  Smiled the whole time.  Remembered that I am so lucky to be able to have a passion and be able to pursue it.

Things that are and those that might have been

It's been an interesting day.

My grade sixes from six ish years ago punched their last day of school today.  They were an amazing class.  We had fun!  We also learned a couple of things.  It was a cool year.  I absolutely cannot believe they are graduating!  I feel geriatric...

I had three kids who I jokingly called my toenails.  They were always close enough that they were stood on my toenails.  They were smart and sweet kids and I loved teaching them and stayed in contact with them over the rest of their school time.  One graduated from a sport school in Ontario with honours, one graduated from his hometown with both stellar sports career and academic performance.  The third hit some obstacles that have temporarily knocked him down.  It's like Ed Sheeran's Castle on the Hill where he relives where his friends are now.  I can't lie...the third guy, he was one that was very special to me.  I lived with him for five years in a parenting role and watched the obstacles hit him over and over.  And today when I realised that they were done high school, I felt a watershed of emotions about them all, but he got the lion's share. 

I remember moments with him, his wit and humour and kindness.  I remember the innocence of the little guy I took fishing at 5am.  I remember the better days and the hard days and I feel all the hope I felt for him when he was ten.  I  hope a path opens at a time that gives it clarity and that the amazing guy he truly is gets down it.  All my students own a part of my heart...but he definitely has a bigger chunk. 

I have punched through a few obstacles this year.  Been a bit rougher.  I had amazing support and pulled through.  So I get it and I feel where anyone is who is struggling.  Sometimes the path is obvious and sometimes ya gotta follow someone's lead.  Luckily my trail buddy had the lead today as I reminisced and sighed over different times and memories of varying sentiment.

 



I got on the trails and found some new beautiful locations.  I realised that the trail is simply somewhere that cleanses me.  It remakes me as a whole again and gives me fuel to process.  The peace, the textures under foot, the sounds, the smells - the whole package is a sensory cleansing and a human reboot.  I felt a massive appreciation for my body, my capacity, and that I was able to choose the trail as my goal this summer.  No matter the outcome or level of ridiculousness of this goal, the purpose has been exceptional and positive.

So please...bite off the scary stuff.  It might make the other stuff less scary and more manageable.  Look for a path and accept a guide sometimes.  And sometimes, get lost.  Learn from the mis-steps and misdirections so that the next wrong turn truly is the right way for you to be going at that time.  And cherish all the memories.  Beauty lies within them, there is a lovely elegance to mistakes and the places they guide you.  Mostly, the hard patches let you see the glowing warmth of the ones you need after.

Thanks for reading.  Also, hike the Portugal Cove section of the East Coast Trail.  It's stunning.